I Want What I Want!

Imagine this: that you are part of a unique nation. You live a peculiar life and are separated from other communities. You are under strict instructions on how to live and you have specifically been told not to intermarry with other nations. Your country fights battles uniquely. You do not get orders from a commander-in-chief but from a God you cannot see. Sometimes, this God visits you and speaks to certain leaders face-to-face on top of specific mountains or plains. And you would need to consecrate yourselves in preparation for this visitation. God calls you His people, so your lives, laws and circumstances are incredibly unique. Only one thing is missing… You do not have a president. 

Did it feel strange imagining this? Did you wonder, “Which country does not have a president, seriously?”

Me too.

If you lived during the times of the early Israelites, they’d relate to your state of shock. In 1 Samuel 8:5, the elders of Israel gathered around Samuel, stressed because they knew Samuel was old and about to die and his sons walked in error. They needed security. Assurance of the future of Israel. A firm blueprint. So they went to him to request a king just like the other nations. Samuel was shocked and deeply saddened. As he took this lament to the Lord, the Lord told him knowingly about the rebellious history of the Israelites and their ingratitude. He knew their request was rejection not to Samuel, but to Him. And so, the Israelites would get their king. Just as they wished.

Samuel was led to a young man from the tribe of Benjamin called Saul. He was so good-looking that the Holy Spirit highlighted it in a whole verse! Tall, handsome, agile and strong, who wouldn’t want that for a king? And so God caught the Israelites smack in the middle of their idolatry. Idolising a king made the Israelites quickly forget that God’s leadership is the perfection that human leadership could never have. Their greatest thirst was that they wanted to look like their neighbours and boast of kings who could do great exploits. 

As for Saul, we see his looks, charm and military endeavours even before we see him build his first altar to the Lord. Not once do we see him having an intimate relationship with God (unlike David whose first description was being a man after God’s own heart). Saul’s spiritual stature was dwarfed by his love for self and fame.

The heart wants what it wants is a popular saying in the world. But the Word tells us that “the desires of the flesh are opposed to the [Holy] Spirit, and the [desires of the] Spirit are opposed to the flesh (godless human nature); for these are antagonistic to each other [continually withstanding and in conflict with each other], so that you are not free but are prevented from doing what you desire to do.” (Galatians 5:17 AMPC). God says that “the heart is deceitful above all things and it is extremely sick; Who can understand it fully and know its secret motives?” (Jeremiah 17:9 AMPC)

Yet we are told to trust this same heart and to respect it when it wants what it wants.

We naturally desire anarchy and rebellion. Without Jesus, our hearts are geared to want self-exaltation, greed, debauchery and the like. Who can help it?

It is easy to judge the Israelites who seem distant until we realise that much like them, we often exchange the eternal joys of being in Christ with temporary highs and fleeting satisfaction.

We choose Netflix over time with Jesus.

We play sexually charged music instead of encouraging Holy Spirit-inspired atmospheres because “What will Bob think?”

We choose to keep quiet about Jesus instead of evangelising because we want to look cool.

We select a worldy Bob instead of a Christ-like man because we want sleep-overs, escapades and acceptance . After all, the heart wants what it wants.

But when do we surrender the heart and its wants? When do we decide to choose Jesus?

Many blunders later,  we see that the Israelites’ potential was constantly in the limiting hands of the kings that came to power. They rose when godly kings such as King David and King Josiah led them and fell when idolatrous kings rose like King Ahab and King Manasseh.

Your life does not have to fluctuate like theirs. You can choose a life of constant communion with Jesus. One of purpose over temporary pleasure.

Every day, we are presented with opportunities to choose our hearts or Jesus. I beg you, dear sister, to always choose Jesus, no matter how hefty the cost.

I pray that the Holy Spirit may reveal areas of idolatry in you or places where your heart has gone astray before Him. 

Your heart may want what it wants but Christ is the only one who can align it with the right side of eternity.

Choose well.

With love,

Jackie Ngigi.