Entering Rest

A few weeks back, I hastily left the house to run an errand. When I parked the car, I reached for the handbrake to engage it, and to my shock, it was already engaged! I wondered how I managed the whole journey with my handbrake engaged. I most definitely was absent-minded. As I recollected the steps to my destination, I realised a few things. The first thing was how difficult it was to accelerate. It was difficult to overtake vehicles on my way to my destination. Secondly, I realised that by driving with an engaged handbrake, I significantly increased the wear on the brake pads and placed the car's braking system at significant risk for serious damage.

I have lived my life like this for a long time: attempting to make progress with great difficulty. Working on overdrive and wearing myself out emotionally, mentally and physically because of not "releasing the handbrake" in my life.

I did not operate from the place of rest.

I would go anywhere a career opportunity opened up because I desperately wanted to grow in my career. I would associate with anyone I thought was important enough to positively influence my destiny. I would move from relationship to relationship to seek peace that I never found. All these without consulting the One who cares for me most, Abba. I worked hard to gain everyone's approval. Everything felt urgent and dependent on me, and so I had to be at my best so that nothing would fail under my watch. In my self-sufficiency and perceived efficiency, I moved like one who has no Father, and so my soul was never at rest, and I was never still. My prayer life was not spared either because I thought that I could make Abba love me more by praying longer, reading the Word more diligently and fasting more than anyone else. I became frustrated, and I felt more distant, which sadly spurred me more into religious works because I equated the distance to a lack of love from my Father. I was terribly wrong.

Luke 10:41-42 NKJV: "And Jesus answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things.  But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her."

I was truly a Martha in every right. If perhaps you are where I was, I present to you the truth. True rest comes from settling into your identity as a child of God. When you know who and whose you are, you operate from a place of unconditional acceptance. Mary did not need to perform (for Jesus) through service, despite it being a good thing. Her identity was not in being known as the best hostess of her time, because what was most important to her was being at the feet of Jesus. She was still, and Jesus said that she had chosen something that would not be taken away from her because of this.

When I began to understand that I am Abba's child who is loved unconditionally, not based on my works but on who I am in Him, I began to understand rest. When I finally allowed God to define me and give me identity and not find it in my career, financial or relationship status or role in ministry, I started to see that I had wasted so much time. I was like a car trying to move at 100 kph with an engaged handbrake.

Consider this:

Romans 8:15 NKJV: "For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.”

The knowledge of our sonship in Abba gives us boldness that we are never alone and never forgotten. Therefore, we do not live in fear. We face life with boldness and an unshakeable confidence. When we know that we are part of a family, we do not bow to rejection or unacceptable societal standards because we know that we are loved at home.

Without the comfort of knowing you have a Father who is holding all things together, you become like a car that is huffing through the road with an engaged handbrake. Moving forward, but with great difficulty and at a high risk of damage to its inner parts. You move from place to place, person to person, looking for someone to place an identity on you. You strive for a love that has been freely given and crave acceptance that will never be permanent. You may get things done with much strain because you strive by human strength and not the power so freely given to you by Abba.

Only Abba can give security and acceptance that can outlast rejection.

Only Abba can give you comfort when everything seems to be falling apart.

You will never need to rely on a connection, money, opportunity or event to define your worth because from scripture you will know that you are so important that your Father can exchange nations for you (Isaiah 43:4 NKJV).

As I switched on the car for my trip back home, I remembered my previous mistake and immediately disengaged the handbrake before disembarking. My journey this time was the stark opposite of what it was before: easy, fast and unrestrained.

Today, you can choose to live a life of ease. Not because things automatically become easy, but because Abba is by your side, walking through every step of the way with you (Hebrews 13:5 NKJV). You can start the journey afresh if you had abandoned it out of disappointment or pain. Abba is waiting to split seas for you, smite the enemy on your behalf and most of all, to intimately journey through life with you.

Today, you can say yes to the rest that only Abba can give.

With love,

Jackie Ngigi.